If Not for WE CARE, I May Be Dead Somewhere

September 2024

Recovery Story: Scott

"He now knows that nothing bad will happen to him if he steps out of his comfort zone - despite the voice in his head constantly saying otherwise. "

When I first arrived at WE CARE, I recognised Scott by the sounds emanating from the piano in the pantry. He played with so much confidence that one would have been hard done to tell that he had (and still has) anxiety disorder.  

This anxiety was part of the reason why he abused substances - they helped him cope and consequently gave him the confidence to go about life.  

If this isn’t your first time reading a recovery story, you might notice a recurring theme: substances are often abused because of their ability to give someone Confidence and to help them Cope. 

Nevermind chasing the 5 Cs in Singapore. In active addiction, 2 Cs are the ultimate goal. 

Scott was born into a hostile environment unfit for any child. His father was an alcoholic, and he would abuse Scott almost daily. As a result, Scott would be walking on eggshells, hypervigilant of any signs that his father would beat him.  

“I’m always in a life or death situation, even today,” Scott shares, highlighting the gravity his childhood had on the rest of his life. Fortunately, despite his incomprehensible childhood pain and the decades-long substance abuse that ensued, Scott now copes with his anxiety in healthy ways and has been sober for six years. 

When his parents got a divorce and sold their house, he sought refuge at a friend’s house. “Nobody cared about me, so I did what I wanted.”. From the age of 13, Scott started to hang out with other kids who did drugs, and it was then that he discovered their therapeutic value.  

Sometime during the ages of 13 to 35, he resolved that he would use drugs until the day he died. They made him feel normal, and numbed him enough so that he didn’t feel anxious constantly.  

He first went to NAMS in 2016 and relapsed as soon as he was discharged. Prior to this, he had cut off his using friends while “white-knuckling” substances for seven months. He didn’t make any more friends, as “no normal person would have wanted to befriend him”. It was also during this time that his loneliness led to the realisation that without friends, recovery was impossible and that life was meaningless.  

Fast forward to 2018, when Scott entered WE CARE straight after discharge and realised that there was in fact, a life outside of addiction. This life, however, demanded him to confront his anxiety, live alongside it and forge new connections. 

He almost didn’t make it to the doors of WE CARE, though. It was only through the medication prescribed to him on the day of his discharge that he could overcome his anxiety and take a leap of faith into recovery. 

He no longer takes antidepressants, and during his time at WE CARE, he has made countless friends. To Scott, friends are “the most important thing.”. 

“From 13 to 35, I didn’t learn a lot of things. I was just using drugs and didn’t really grow up. It was only when I came to WE CARE that I matured and learned to grow up. Spending time with people who were more mature than me helped me learn to be more mature. If not, I don’t know where I could learn to grow up.”. It’s clear to see how having friends had helped him greatly in his recovery journey. 

Scott doesn’t believe there is a one-size-fits-all cure for anxiety, and he can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what has helped him cope with his anxiety. The most important thing is that he has reached the point of acceptance when it comes to his anxiety.  

He now knows that nothing bad will happen to him if he steps out of his comfort zone - despite the voice in his head constantly saying otherwise. 

One habit he has stuck with is playing the piano out in public, regardless of who is around him or how anxious he feels. While it forces him to step out of his comfort zone, he does it anyway because he knows it’ll help. 

Scott has just completed his diploma in Social Services, with a focus on senior services, and is inspired to both give back to others and continue his studies. When he first arrived at WE CARE, he couldn’t string two English sentences together. Now, during this interview, he was really proficient.  

Scott is also a gym rat, and he’s resolved to train for the rest of his life. A healthier activity to resolve to do for life, if you may.  

He shares, “I love the gym. I’m 41 now. It’s better to start exercising and build up your muscle because at this age you start to lose muscle. I’m not afraid of death; I’m afraid to grow old and waste my quality of life. I’ve used for a really long time, so I’m not going to waste any more time.” 

As the interview was coming to an end, I asked if he had anything else to add. Yes, he exclaims.  

He says to me, gratefully - “If not for WE CARE, I may be dead somewhere.”. 

 

by Mikela and Scott 

Mikela was an intern at WE CARE in 2024, and studies at the University of Edinburgh. 

Scott is currently a beneficiary at WE CARE and is a regular at our Drop-In Centre.