"At his lowest, he described how he consistently spent 90-95% of his monthly salary on drugs, leaving him with peanuts for expenses like food."
“CNB raided my house last night”. That’s the first thing Prince said to me when I sat down with him before writing this story.
While it was a major inconvenience — CNB turned his house out looking for drug-related items, and giving his statement took about two hours — he was not worried at all because he’s clean. He tells me that he handled the entire thing with composure, for which he is grateful.
That equanimity, and lack of worry, is a product of his recovery. The lack of worry when dealing with law enforcement officials, is likewise a product of recovery.
Speak to any person in recovery and they will happily tell you about the countless times they felt uneasiness when in the proximity of law enforcement officials. Some even go to the extent of avoiding the MRT completely just to avoid running into the police officers that patrol the stations. Imagine being restricted to taking only public busses.
Being in active addiction is like being on the run, especially in a country like Singapore, and Prince is glad he’s not running anymore.
He spent a good 15 years, since 2004, running — his drug journey started in Singapore but took him overseas, mainly around Southeast Asia.
It was around 2019 that he started to get the feeling that he was on his last lap. At his lowest, he described how he consistently spent 90-95% of his monthly salary on drugs, leaving him with peanuts for expenses like food.
“I didn’t need to eat much, anyway.” he says. His drug of choice almost completely removed the need for food, leaving him almost half the size he is now. He gleefully tells me how it’s a sign of recovery, for him at least, that he’s now of an appropriate weight and eating well.
It was also at this point where he thought to himself: I can’t continue like this anymore. Is this really how I’m going to live the rest of life?
Make no mistake – despite the flood of dopamine each puff brought him, he was struggling, and wanted the pain to end. He had wanted it to stop for quite a while but always gave in when temptation came calling.
The idea of a life without drugs scared him, because he was convinced that quitting drugs would suck the fun out of life. The drugs had provided much of the ecstasy that he experienced throughout life, so did he then have to live the rest of his life stuck in boredom?
At this point, a close friend brought up the prospect of recovery. The concept of recovery was completely foreign to him, but he agreed to it. He wanted the struggle to end and was willing to do whatever it took.
His recovery journey started at another recovery centre, and soon after, WE CARE. 5 years later, he’s still active in both communities.
When someone decides to embark on their recovery journey, it’s rare that they get it right on the first try — some may relapse once, others multiple times. Prince was no different, but thankfully his sole relapse only lasted a week.
A seed had been planted during his initial experience, and that’s what brought him back into recovery. After his relapse, he committed to his recovery fully.
The fear of never being able to have fun again remained top of mind, especially so during the early days of recovery, but he gritted his teeth and trusted the process. Recovery was (and is) hard, but the pain of going back to his using days served as a strong motivation to stay clean.
This speaks to two things: The level of pain and suffering experienced during active addiction (that sometimes borders on trauma), and the wonderful life that’s been built while in recovery.
As a person’s clean time gets longer, piece by piece they build their life back together until they get to a point where they have too much to lose — as is the case for Prince.
In the 5 years he has stayed clean, a lot of things have fallen back into place.
A year into recovery, he met his partner who he credits as instrumental in his recovery. Being a partner to someone in recovery can get tricky, but it’s a role his partner has embraced, even joining a recovery centre's caregiver group.
Together with his old friends and siblings whom he’s since reconnected with, Prince has established a rock-solid support system that gives him the confidence to go out into the world to achieve things.
One of those things is career progression, and Prince proudly tells me that he recently attained a professional license he had tried multiple times (and failed) to get. Perseverance — another trait that’s crucial in recovery.
It, however, hasn’t all been rosy. Prince’s father passed away in 2021, and while saying his final goodbyes, he promised his father, with the utmost confidence, that he would dedicate his life to caring for his now widowed mother.
Prince is steadfast in his belief that if he was using, absolutely none of the above would have been possible. And I believe him.
To Prince, the CNB incident was a renewal of his “sobriety vows” because it showed him what he does not want to go back to. Instead of being a setback, it became a turning point of sorts. It served as a stark reminder of the consequences of his past and solidified his commitment to recovery.
Everything that he has built – a loving relationship, a successful career, and a strong support system – is worth protecting, and is something he plans to do for the rest of his life.
Prince recently received his 5th Year Finisher Award and finds purpose in giving back to the recovery community. He always strives to do for the newcomers he meets, the same things others once performed for him.